SINCERE

Have I told you that things are ended up between me and N?

It's not quite a good story so maybe I shouldn't share it here..

Well, No.

The reason why I didn't share it here was because all of denials that I had made..

We've been together since almost 6 years, cheering and supporting at each other. But in that range of time, doesn't mean we never fought about anything.. The sad thing is, it ends not because the difference we had, but because of tiny stupid things called expectation..

I expected a lot from him.. From the tiniest things to the biggest things. So when he couldn't do the tiniest things, I assumed that he wouldn't do anything either..

So I began to questioned his seriousness towards our relationship.. He never answer. And I never had any patience to wait.. I started to catch his attention by always had him choosing whether he wants to be with me or his family.. Very very stupid I know, because the answer is always crystal clear.. 

I let myself drowned in hope that he might never meant to gave me before. I accused him that he didn't want this relationships worked. I blamed him for anything he never meant to gave me..

I could felt that we were just tired to each other.. So everything became ruined. We began to hurt each other.. Or worst, I began to hurt him.. And the conclusion came to an end..

Now that he moving on, I'm trying to be happy for him too.. But it just so hard to do so.. I cannot accept the fact that he doesn't love me anymore.. My heart broke and my body felt like teared apart..

I'm sad and angry at the same time..

But again I think, what if we come back together? Is there anything we can do to fix the difference we had? No.. We can never do anything about it.. So if we come back together, we will hurt each other again and maybe I will hurt him again.. No, its not the way we love..

Our relationships never give us a real happiness.. Maybe I should take the fact that it's not my ability to make him happy.. Maybe I'm not the one that can make him happy.. Maybe by being far from me that make him happy.. Maybe this way, he's happy..

This time, I still cannot force myself to sincerely being happy for him.. But I know I will.

When the time come, I would just laugh when I'm looking back at this moment and shake his hand with a big smile on my face and say this to him "congratulation old friends, you deserve your happiness"

Good bye N, I'm so sorry.. Please be healthy and happy :)